To deal with a difficult coworker, start by naming the specific behavior and how it affects your work, then have one calm, private conversation about it. Keep short written notes, protect your own work in writing, and involve your manager or HR if the behavior continues or crosses into harassment or anything unsafe.
This guide covers what to actually say, what to write down and when to bring in someone else, written for people in their 20s and 30s who are often the newest person on the team.
First, get clear on the actual problem
“She is difficult” is hard to fix. “She interrupts me in every client meeting” is something you can address. Before you do anything, write down:
- The behavior: what they do or say, in one sentence, with no labels.
- The pattern: how often, and in what settings (meetings, chat, email, one-on-one).
- The effect: missed deadlines, rework, lost credit, being left out of decisions, stress that follows you home.
- Your part: anything you do that might feed it, such as late replies or unclear handoffs.
Common types and what to say
A short, specific sentence said calmly does most of the work.
- The interrupter: “I want to finish this point, then I would like to hear yours.” Say it in the moment, evenly, and keep going.
- The credit taker: “I am glad the analysis landed well. Happy to walk through how I built it.” Then send a written recap that shows who did what.
- The work dumper: “I can take that on if something else moves. Which of these should wait?” See how to say no at work.
- The constant critic: “Can you give me a specific example so I can fix it?” Real feedback gets more useful; vague criticism often stops.
- The slow responder: put the deadline in writing, “I need this by Thursday at noon for Friday’s launch,” and copy the project owner if it slips again.
How to have the direct conversation
- Ask for a few private minutes, not in front of others and not over chat.
- Open with the shared goal: “I want our handoffs to go more smoothly.”
- Name one behavior and its effect on the work. Just one.
- Ask a real question: “Is something on your end making this hard?”
- Agree on one change, then follow up in writing: “Thanks for talking. Going forward we will send drafts by Wednesday.”
Many people do not know how they come across, and a calm, specific request is often enough.
Write things down
Short, factual notes protect you if the problem continues. Keep them in a personal notes app, not a shared company drive:
- Date, time and setting.
- What was said or done, in neutral words.
- Who else was there.
- The effect on your work.
- What you did in response.
When to involve your manager or HR
Bring it to your manager when one direct conversation has not changed the pattern and the work is suffering. Frame it as a work problem and ask for help: “I have tried to sort this out directly, and our handoffs are still causing missed deadlines. Can you help me figure out the next step?” If your manager is part of the problem, see our guide to dealing with a difficult boss and managing up.
Skip straight to HR or your manager if the behavior involves harassment, discrimination, threats or anything that makes you feel unsafe. The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission explains what counts as workplace harassment and your rights. HR and, where needed, an employment lawyer are the right people to act on it.
Protect yourself in the meantime
- Do visible work and keep your manager updated.
- If the stress is affecting your sleep, mood or health, talk with a licensed professional. In a crisis, call or text 988.
- If nothing changes after real effort, it is fair to look at switching teams internally or a new role.
Where a mentor helps
A mentor gives you an outside view from someone who is not part of your office. In weekly video sessions, a Blackburn mentor can help you sort out what is going on, rehearse the conversation and decide when to escalate, with text and phone contact between sessions. It is part of our mentoring and coaching for professionals, and our early career mentoring is built for people in their first jobs who are still learning the unwritten rules of the workplace.
Related
- Online mentoring and coaching, nationwide
- How to deal with a difficult boss
- Your first 90 days at a new job
- How to prevent burnout at work
Frequently asked questions
Should I tell my manager about a difficult coworker?
Yes, once you have tried one direct, calm conversation and the problem keeps affecting your work. Bring dates and specific examples, and ask for help with the work problem. Go straight to your manager or HR, without the direct conversation first, if the behavior is harassment, discrimination, threats or anything that makes you feel unsafe.
How do I stop a coworker from taking credit for my work?
Make your work visible as you go. Send written recaps after meetings and name your contribution in status updates. If it continues, say to the coworker, “I want to make sure we both get credit on shared projects. Can we agree on how we present this one?”
What if the difficult coworker is senior to me?
The same steps apply. Raise it privately, keep it to one specific behavior and its effect on the work, and ask your own manager for advice earlier. Being junior does not mean you have to absorb behavior that keeps you from doing your job.
Is it ever time to leave a job over a coworker?
Sometimes. If you have talked to the person, involved your manager and documented the problem, and it still damages your work or health, an internal move or a new job can be the right call. Decide with a plan, not in the middle of a bad week.
Get started
Mentoring is available by video nationwide, scheduled in your time zone, and in person in Los Angeles. Call (888) 305 5422, email contact@blackburnmentoring.com or take the five-minute assessment at Get Started. Our team reviews every assessment personally and follows up to set up a free intro call.
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