When a college student is struggling, the most helpful thing a parent can do is stay calm, find out what is really going on and help the student reconnect with structure and campus support, without taking over. Most struggles come from a mix of lost routines, avoidance and feeling overwhelmed, and they usually improve once the student has a written plan and someone checking in each week.
Signs a student may be struggling
- Grades slipping, or vague answers when you ask about classes
- Missing classes, deadlines or exams, or “forgetting” to check the course portal
- Sleeping at odd hours, or barely sleeping
- Pulling away from friends, activities or calls home
- Talking about dropping out, transferring or “taking a break” with no plan behind it
- Money running out faster than expected, or new spending you cannot explain
One sign on its own is often just a hard week. Several at once, lasting more than two or three weeks, is worth a real conversation.
How to start the conversation
Pick a calm moment, ideally a video call rather than a text thread. Open with what you have noticed and why you are asking, then listen longer than feels comfortable. A few openers that tend to work:
- “You sounded tired the last few calls. How are classes actually going?”
- “If you had to pick the class that is worrying you most, which one is it?”
- “I am not upset. I just want to understand what is going on so we can figure it out together.”
Avoid starting with grades, tuition or what their siblings did. Students who are already behind usually feel ashamed, and shame makes them hide more.
What to do in the first two weeks
- Make a list together. Every class, what is missing, what is due next and the current grade. Vague worry becomes a manageable list once it is written down.
- Find the deadlines that matter. Ask the student to look up the last day to withdraw from a class and any incomplete or grade policies. An academic advisor can explain the options. See dropping a class and academic probation if those apply.
- Nudge them toward campus help. Office hours, academic advising, the tutoring center, the dean of students office and campus counseling exist for exactly this. Students often do not go until someone nudges.
- Agree on one or two small actions. Email one professor. Go to one office hour. Small actions break avoidance faster than big promises.
- Rebuild a basic week. A set wake-up time, class attendance and two or three fixed study blocks. Our guide to college time management has a simple weekly template.
- Set a check-in rhythm. One short scheduled call a week works better than worried daily texts.
What usually does not help
- Taking over: emailing professors yourself or managing their calendar
- Lectures about wasted tuition, which tend to deepen avoidance
- Asking for grades every day, which teaches students to stop answering
- Waiting until final grades post to talk about it
When the problem is bigger than one semester
Sometimes the real issue is the wrong major, the wrong school or a student who needs time away. Those are legitimate decisions, not failures. Read about changing majors, transferring colleges and taking a leave of absence before deciding anything in a hurry.
If you see signs of depression, anxiety, substance use or thoughts of self-harm, connect the student with campus counseling or a licensed professional right away. In a crisis, call or text 988.
Where a mentor helps
Some students need steady, structured support that a parent at a distance cannot give: someone to plan the week with, check in before deadlines and help rebuild routines. A mentor meets with the student by video weekly or several times a week, with text and phone contact between sessions, in the student’s local time zone, wherever they study in the US. With the student’s permission, the mentor keeps parents updated, so you can stop being the person asking about grades. Mentors are not tutors; they help with the planning, follow-through and habits around the coursework. See mentoring for college students.
Related
- Mentoring for college students
- College burnout
- Study habits for college
- For families
- College Student Skipping Class? How to Get Back on Track
- Failing Classes in College: What to Do Mid-Semester
Common questions
Should I contact my student’s professors?
Usually no. Encourage the student to reach out themselves, and help them draft the email if needed. It builds a skill they will need anyway.
Is it too late to turn a semester around?
Often not. Many colleges allow late withdrawals, incompletes or other options, and an academic advisor can explain them before deadlines pass.
My student will not tell me anything. What now?
Ask for one small, specific thing, like a shared look at the course portal or a weekly call, rather than a full accounting. Trust tends to come back once the conversations stop feeling like inspections.
Can a mentor work with a student at any college?
Yes. Mentoring happens by video, so it works for students anywhere in the US, and in person for students in Los Angeles.
Get started
Worried about a college student? Call (888) 305 5422, email contact@blackburnmentoring.com or start with a short assessment. A member of our team reviews every assessment personally and sets up a free intro call.