This guide is for college students who are past the first few weeks and still do not have a real circle. Friendships usually form through repeated contact with the same people, so join one or two things that meet every week, turn familiar faces into plans with a specific invitation, and give it a full semester before judging how it is going.
Why the first weeks do not settle it
Orientation can make it look like everyone found their people on day three. In reality, many early groups form around whoever lived nearby and drift apart within a term. Plenty of students feel lonely in their first semester, second year or after a transfer, even when they look busy. Not having a group yet is common, and it is fixable.
If homesickness is a big part of what you feel, see homesick in the first year of college.
Go where the same people show up every week
One-time events are fine for meeting people, but friendships grow from seeing the same faces again and again. Choose one or two of these and commit for the semester:
- A club with weekly meetings, ideally one with a shared task, such as a newspaper, a theater crew, a service group or a club sport
- Intramural or recreational teams, which need no experience
- A study group for a hard class; ask two classmates after a lecture
- A campus job with regular shifts alongside the same coworkers; see working while in college
- Volunteering on a fixed day each week
- Cultural, faith or identity-based organizations that hold regular gatherings
- Residence hall activities, if you live on campus
Turn familiar faces into friends
This is the step most students skip. They stay at the “nice to see you” stage because nobody makes a plan.
- Learn names and use them. Remembering one detail about someone (“How did the chemistry exam go?”) moves things forward.
- Make a specific, low-stakes invitation. “I’m getting food after this, want to come?” works better than “We should hang out sometime.”
- Invite two or three people at once. Group plans feel lighter, and they introduce your friends to each other.
- Follow up within a week. A short text after a good conversation keeps it from fading.
- Host something simple. A study session, a game night or a walk to a campus event gives people an easy yes.
- Expect some plans to fall through. A no is usually about someone’s schedule, not about you. Ask again another time.
If your situation is different
- Commuters: stay on campus one or two extra hours a few days a week. Study in the same lounge or library spot so you become a regular.
- Transfer students: look for transfer student groups, and join a club in your major, where upper-year students are easy to meet. See transferring colleges.
- Students who work a lot: your coworkers count. A job can be your weekly group.
- Quieter students: structured activities with a shared task take pressure off small talk. Networking for introverts has ideas that work socially too.
When it feels harder than it should
Shyness and some awkwardness are normal, and they ease with practice. Building confidence in small steps helps; see how to build confidence. Roommate tension can also make campus feel lonely, and dealing with roommate problems covers that.
If loneliness has turned into low mood that lasts more than a couple of weeks, if you are sleeping much more or less, skipping class or feeling hopeless, campus counseling or a licensed professional is the right step. Many counseling centers also run groups, which can help with both. In a crisis, call or text 988.
For parents
Hearing that a student is lonely is hard. Listen first, and avoid quick fixes like “just join something.” Ask what they have tried and what they enjoy, then encourage one regular commitment. Resist the urge to bring them home every weekend; it can make building a campus life harder. Watch for signs that it has become more than loneliness and gently encourage counseling if so.
Where a mentor helps
Most students know they should put themselves out there. The hard part is doing it each week when it feels awkward. A mentor helps the student pick the right commitments, plan specific invitations and stick with it through the slow early weeks, with text check-ins between video sessions. Mentors are not therapists and work alongside counseling when it is involved. With the student’s permission, parents receive progress updates. See mentoring for college students, and for first-year students, first-year college mentoring.
Related
- Mentoring for college students
- Homesick in the first year
- First-generation college students
- Making friends after college
Common questions
Is it too late to make friends after freshman year?
No. Many lasting college friendships form in the second year or later, often through clubs, majors and campus jobs where people see each other regularly.
How long does it take to make friends in college?
It varies, but repeated contact over several weeks is usually what turns acquaintances into friends. Give a regular commitment a full semester.
What if I’m shy or introverted?
Choose activities with a shared task, like a team, a crew or a volunteer shift, so conversation has something to focus on. Small, specific invitations are easier than big social events.
Should I transfer because I have no friends?
Try a semester of steady, regular commitments first. If the school is a poor fit for other reasons too, talk it through with an advisor before deciding.
Get started
Want support building a steadier college life? Call (888) 305 5422, email contact@blackburnmentoring.com or start with a short assessment. A member of our team reviews every assessment personally and sets up a free intro call.