To choose a mentor for your teen, first decide what should change, then compare free and paid options, and ask every candidate the same questions: who will work with your teen, how goals are tracked, what happens between sessions, how parents are updated and what happens if the fit is wrong. Use the checklist below and involve your teen in the final choice.
How to use this page: print it or keep it open during intro calls. It works for volunteer programs, school programs and paid mentors, including Blackburn Mentoring.
Step 1: Decide what you need before you look
- What do you want to be different in three months? Name one to three things (for example, turning work in on time, a plan after graduation, fewer fights about school).
- Is the problem skills and follow-through, or understanding a subject? The first points to a mentor or executive function coach; the second to a tutor.
- Is there a mental health, safety or substance concern? If so, start with a licensed clinician; a mentor can work alongside later.
- Does your teen need a long-term caring adult (often a volunteer program) or weekly structure on specific goals (often a paid mentor)?
- In person or online? Video widens your choices and removes the drive.
Not sure yet? Try the mentor fit quiz, or read does my teenager need a mentor?
Step 2: The checklist: 20 questions to ask any mentor or program
The mentor
- Who exactly will work with my teen, and will it be the same person every week?
- What experience does this mentor have with teens of this age?
- How are mentors chosen, trained and supported?
- Can my teen meet the mentor, or have an intro call, before we commit?
- What happens if the match is not working? Can we change mentors?
The plan
- How are goals set, and does my teen help choose them?
- Are goals written down and broken into weekly steps?
- How is progress tracked, and how will we know it is working?
- How long is a session, and how often do they meet?
- What happens between sessions: texts, calls, reminders?
Parents and privacy
- How often will I get updates, and in what form?
- What will be shared with me, and what stays between my teen and the mentor?
- Can I join the intro call? Is it optional?
- Will the mentor coordinate with a therapist, tutor or school, and only with written permission?
- What do you do if you see something that needs a professional?
Practical details
- What times are available, including early morning, evening and weekends?
- If sessions are by video, how do you handle time zones?
- How does cost work, and when is it discussed?
- How quickly can we start?
- How do we pause or end mentoring if we need to?
Step 3: Red flags
- Promises of specific results, such as a GPA, admission or a job by a date.
- Vague answers about who the mentor will be.
- No plan for how parents are kept informed.
- Pressure to sign up before an intro call or a conversation with your teen.
- Offering to diagnose or treat anxiety, depression or other mental health concerns without a license.
- No clear answer about what happens if there is a safety concern.
Step 4: Judge the first month
| By the end of | You should see |
|---|---|
| The intro call | Clear answers to the questions above, and a teen who is at least willing to try |
| Week 1 | A first session and two or three written goals your teen agreed to |
| Week 2 | Weekly steps and a check-in between sessions |
| Week 4 | A steady routine, a first parent update, and a few completed steps |
Change does not happen in a month, but structure should. See how long mentoring takes to work for a realistic timeline.
How the main options compare
| Option | Cost | Strength | Check especially |
|---|---|---|---|
| Volunteer mentoring program | Free | A caring adult over the long term | Waiting lists, age rules, how often they meet |
| School mentoring program | Free | Connection to school | What happens over breaks; parent contact |
| Paid one-on-one mentor | Paid | Weekly structure on specific goals, contact between sessions | Who the mentor is; how updates and cost work |
| Online mentor | Varies | Wider choice, no commute, fits busy schedules | Time zones and how check-ins work |
More detail: paid mentor vs volunteer program, mentor vs therapist vs tutor vs coach and how to choose a mentoring program.
How Blackburn Mentoring answers these questions
| The mentor | Each teen works with the same dedicated mentor every week |
| Ages | 13 and up, with a parent or guardian involved for high school students |
| Format | By video anywhere in the United States; in person in Los Angeles |
| Between sessions | Text and phone check-ins on the steps agreed in the session |
| Parents | Joining the free intro call is optional; updates depend on the teen’s age and the permissions given |
| Professionals | Mentors talk with a therapist only after written permission |
| Start | A short online assessment, a free intro call with a member of our team, and a mentor match within 2 business days |
| Cost | Discussed on the free intro call, after the assessment |
Mentoring is not therapy or clinical care. If someone needs mental health treatment, a licensed clinician is the right place to start. In a crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.
Related
- Online mentoring for teens
- How to find a mentor for your teenage son
- Finding a mentor for a teenage daughter
- Questions to ask before hiring a coach or mentor
Common questions
What should I look for in a mentor for my teenager?
Look for consistency (the same person each week), a written plan with weekly steps, contact between sessions, a clear role for parents, and honesty about limits, including when a tutor, doctor or licensed therapist is needed instead.
What questions should I ask a mentoring program before hiring a mentor?
Ask who will work with your teen, how mentors are chosen and supported, how goals are set and tracked, what happens between sessions, how parents are updated, how information is shared, and what happens if the fit is wrong.
What are red flags when choosing a mentor for a teen?
Promised results, vague answers about who the mentor is, no plan for parent updates, pressure to commit before an intro call, and a mentor who offers to treat mental health concerns without a license.
How long should we try a mentor before deciding?
Give it about a month of weekly sessions. By then you should see a written plan, a routine of sessions and check-ins, and at least a few completed steps. If not, ask about changing the approach or the mentor.
Should my teen help choose the mentor?
Yes. A teen who agreed to try a mentor usually engages more than one who was assigned. Let them join the intro call and give them a real say in the decision.
Get started
Want to run these questions past us? Call (888) 305 5422, email contact@blackburnmentoring.com or start with a short assessment. A member of our team reviews every assessment personally and sets up a free intro call.
Booking for a son or daughter? You can book the call yourself. Free, by video, 20 minutes, with a member of our team. Weekdays 9 to 5 Pacific.