How to Find a Mentor for Your Son or Daughter

If you are searching for a mentor for your son or daughter, you are probably seeing a mix of volunteer programs, parenting articles and forum threads, and very little that tells you what to actually do next. This guide is for parents of teens and young adults who want one steady adult outside the family to help their child with direction, motivation and follow-through. It covers the kinds of mentors available, where to look, the questions to ask, how to raise the idea with a reluctant teen or 20 year old, and how to tell whether the match is working.

First, get clear on what you want a mentor to help with

“Mentor” means different things to different families. Before you start looking, write down the two or three changes you most want to see in the next three months. Examples:

• A 16 year old who keeps up with schoolwork without nightly reminders.
• A college sophomore who goes to class, uses office hours and finishes the term.
• A 22 year old living at home who finds steady work and a plan to move out.
• A young adult who feels stuck and wants help figuring out a direction.

Specific goals help you choose the right kind of mentor, and they give the mentor something concrete to work on from the first session.

You are not the only parent asking

The transition to adulthood is taking longer than it once did, and many families are working through it together. In 2022, 57 percent of men and 55 percent of women ages 18 to 24 lived in their parents’ home, up from 52 and 35 percent in 1960 (U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, reported in 2024). Among 25 to 34 year olds, 19 percent of men and 12 percent of women lived with parents.

Parents are closely involved, too. A Pew Research Center survey found that 59 percent of parents with children ages 18 to 34 had helped a child financially in the past year, and only 45 percent of young adults said they were completely financially independent from their parents (Pew Research Center, survey conducted October and November 2023). The same survey found that 71 percent of parents of young adults feel their children’s successes and failures reflect on the job they did as parents. That pressure is real, and it is one reason a neutral adult outside the family can help.

The main kinds of mentors

Informal mentors. A relative, family friend, coach or neighbor whom your child already respects. Free and personal, but hard to arrange on purpose, and the relationship can fade when life gets busy.

Volunteer programs. Community and national nonprofits match young people with volunteer mentors. These programs do valuable work, but many serve specific age ranges or communities, have waitlists, and are designed around friendship and exposure rather than goals like grades or employment.

School and campus programs. High schools and colleges often run peer mentoring or advising. Worth asking about, though a counselor or advisor usually supports hundreds of students at once.

Professional one-on-one mentoring. A paid mentor who meets with your child on a set schedule, works toward agreed goals and checks in between sessions. This is the option most parents turn to when they want consistency and accountability. Our guide to volunteer versus paid mentors compares the two in detail.

Questions to ask any mentoring program

• How are mentors matched with clients, and can we request a different mentor if the fit is wrong?
• How often are sessions, and what happens between them?
• What ages do you serve? (Blackburn Mentoring works with ages 13 and up.)
• How do parents stay informed, and what stays private between mentor and client?
• What do you do if a mental health concern comes up?
• Can a counselor, therapist or other professional be involved?
• Are sessions in person, by video or both?

A good program will answer all of these plainly. If you get vague answers about matching or safety, keep looking.

How to bring it up with your son or daughter

The way you introduce the idea matters as much as the mentor you choose. A few approaches that tend to work:

• Lead with their goal, not your worry. “You said you want to move out by next fall. Would it help to have someone to plan that with?” lands better than a list of problems.
• Frame it as an advantage. Athletes have coaches; professionals have mentors. Having one is not a sign that something is wrong.
• Offer a low-stakes first step. A short intro call with no commitment lowers resistance.
• Give them a say in the match. Young people engage more when they choose.

For more scripts, see our guide on how to suggest a mentor to your adult child.

How to tell whether the match is working

Give a new mentoring relationship six to eight weeks of consistent sessions. Signs it is working include your child showing up on time without reminders, mentioning the mentor in conversation, and small concrete changes: an application sent, a routine kept, a class attended. If your child dreads sessions or nothing has moved by then, ask about a different match before giving up on mentoring altogether.

How Blackburn Mentoring works with families

We provide one-on-one mentoring and coaching for teens, college students and young adults, by video nationwide, in person in Los Angeles. You or your child complete a short assessment, our team reviews it personally, and we set up a free 20 minute intro call. If it is a fit, your son or daughter is matched with a mentor within 2 business days. Mentors offer early morning, evening and weekend sessions.

For teens under 18, a parent can join the intro call and help set goals. For young adults, parents can get updates when needed, with the young adult’s agreement. Read more on our pages about a mentor for an adult son or daughter, how virtual mentoring works and the free intro call.

Common questions

How do I find a mentor for my 20 year old son?

Start by naming two or three specific goals, such as steady work or a plan to move out. Then look at informal mentors you know, volunteer programs that serve young adults, and professional one-on-one mentoring, and ask each about matching, session frequency and how parents stay informed.

How do I find a mentor for my teenage daughter?

Ask her school counselor about programs, consider adults she already respects, and look at professional mentoring services that work with teens. For teens under 18, choose a program where a parent takes part in goal setting.

What if my son or daughter does not want a mentor?

Lead with their own goals rather than your concerns, frame mentoring as an advantage, and suggest a short intro call with no commitment. Letting them have a say in the match makes them far more likely to engage.

What is the difference between a mentor and a therapist?

A mentor helps with goals, routines, direction and follow-through. A therapist is a licensed clinician who treats mental health conditions. Many young people work with both, and a mentor can help them keep therapy appointments.

Can my child have a mentor if we do not live in Los Angeles?

Yes. Blackburn Mentoring works by video nationwide, in person in Los Angeles. Clients in other states meet their mentor by video and use text or phone check-ins between sessions.

How old does my child need to be for mentoring?

Blackburn Mentoring works with ages 13 and up, including high school students with parents involved, college students and young adults.

Related guides: how long mentoring takes to work, what an executive function coach does and college success coaching.

Get started

Looking for a mentor for your son or daughter? Call (888) 305-5422, or start with a short assessment. A member of our team reviews every assessment personally and sets up a free intro call.