To find a mentor as an adult, get specific about what you want help with, decide whether you need an informal mentor or a professional one, then look in your field, your community or a mentoring program and have a short first conversation to check the fit. Many people need a mentor most later in life: during a career change, a move, a divorce or starting over.
Step 1: Get specific about what you need
“I need a mentor” is hard to act on. “I want help changing careers in the next six months” or “I need structure to get my finances in order” is much easier. Write down two or three outcomes you want and how you will know you got there. Our guide to goal setting can help.
Step 2: Decide between informal and professional
- Informal mentors are people already in your life or field: a former manager, someone a few steps ahead of you, a community leader. They are free, but their time is limited and the relationship is usually occasional.
- Professional mentors are paid to work with you. You get a set schedule, a plan, contact between sessions and someone whose job is your progress. This makes sense when you want consistent support or are going through a big change.
Many people have both: an informal mentor for industry advice and a professional mentor for weekly structure.
Step 3: Look in the right places
- Your workplace, or your industry association
- Alumni networks and professional groups
- Community and faith groups
- Volunteer organizations, where you meet people who give their time
- Professional mentoring programs such as Blackburn Mentoring
Step 4: How to ask an informal mentor
Asking “Will you be my mentor?” puts a lot on someone. A smaller, specific request works better. For example:
- “I am thinking about moving from teaching into project management, and I admire how you made a similar switch. Could I buy you a coffee or have 20 minutes on a call to ask a few questions?”
Follow up afterward with a thank-you and what you did with their advice. Relationships grow from a few good conversations, not a formal title.
Step 5: Ask good questions
Whether the mentor is informal or professional, a short first conversation tells you most of what you need to know. Ask:
- How do you usually work with people, and how often would we meet?
- Can I reach you between sessions?
- What experience do you have with goals like mine?
- How will we know if it is working?
- What do you expect from me?
For paid options, see also questions to ask a life coach.
Red flags
- Promises of specific results by a specific date
- No clear structure or plan
- Pressure to commit to a long, expensive package on the first call
- Offering to diagnose or treat mental health conditions without a license
- Talking more about themselves than about your goals
Online or local?
You no longer need to find a mentor in your own city. Video sessions work well for most goals, which widens your options to anyone in the country with the right experience. A local mentor makes sense if you want to meet in person, practice something hands-on or simply prefer sitting across a table. Many people start online and add in-person meetings when they can.
Step 6: Make the most of it
The best mentoring relationships are active ones. Show up on time, do what you said you would do, be honest when you did not and bring questions. A useful habit: end every session by writing down the two or three things you will do before the next one. A mentor can only work with what you bring.
Working with a professional mentor at Blackburn
At Blackburn, finding a mentor starts with a short assessment. Our team reviews it personally, sets up a free intro call and matches you with one dedicated mentor whose experience fits your goals. You can meet by video anywhere in the US or in person in Los Angeles. Not sure which suits you? Read online vs in-person mentoring and what happens in a first session.
Related
Common questions
How do I find a mentor as an adult?
Get specific about what you want help with, decide between an informal and a professional mentor, look in your industry, alumni and community networks or a mentoring program, and have a short first conversation to check the fit.
Should I pay for a mentor?
A paid mentor makes sense when you want consistent, structured support, such as weekly sessions and contact in between, or when you are going through a big transition.
How long should a mentoring relationship last?
It depends on your goals. Some people work with a mentor through one transition over a few months, and others continue longer as they build new habits.
Can I have a mentor online?
Yes. Video mentoring works the same way as in-person mentoring and makes it possible to work with the right person wherever you live.
Get started
Looking for a mentor now? Call (888) 305 5422, email contact@blackburnmentoring.com or start with a short assessment. A member of our team reviews every assessment personally and sets up a free intro call.