To be more social, put yourself in the same places with the same people regularly, start with small, low-pressure interactions, and follow up after a good conversation. Being social is mostly a skill and a habit, not a personality type. You get better with repetition, and it gets easier faster than most people expect.
Social is a skill, not a trait
Many young adults decide they are just bad at people and stop trying. But comfort with others comes from practice. Someone who seems naturally social has usually had a lot of repetitions. You do not have to become loud or outgoing; you only need to get a little more comfortable than you are now, then a little more. Quieter people may like our guide on networking for introverts.
Choose repeated settings over one-off events
Big parties and one-time mixers are hard mode. Friendships form most easily when you see the same people again and again without having to plan it:
- A weekly class: climbing, cooking, language, a gym class.
- A recurring volunteer shift.
- A rec sports league, run club or pickup game.
- A hobby group, book club or game night.
- A coworking space or the same coffee shop at the same time.
Commit to one setting for at least a couple of months. The first few visits will feel awkward; that is normal, and it passes.
Start with tiny interactions
Build up gradually, like any other skill:
- Make eye contact and say hello to people you see often.
- Make one small comment or ask one question: “Have you done this class before?”
- Learn and use one or two names.
- Ask a follow-up question next time you see them.
- Suggest something small together: grabbing food after, walking out together.
Get better at conversations
- Ask open questions that start with how, what or why, and then actually listen.
- Share something about yourself in return, so it is a conversation and not an interview.
- Notice what lights someone up and ask more about that.
- Let small silences happen. You do not have to fill every pause.
- End warmly: “Good to talk to you, see you next week.”
If anxious thoughts replay every conversation afterward, our guide on how to stop overthinking may help.
Follow up, because that is where friendships start
Most people wait for the other person to reach out, so nothing happens. Be the one who follows up. Send a quick message after a good conversation, share something they mentioned, or invite them to the next event. Suggest a specific plan with a day and time instead of “we should hang out sometime.” Not everyone will say yes, and that is fine. You only need a few people who do.
Cut down what crowds people out
Hours of scrolling, gaming or streaming can quietly take up the time and energy you would use to see people. You do not have to quit anything; just protect one or two evenings a week for in-person plans. Our guide on how to reset phone habits has practical ideas. If you have moved somewhere new or left school, see making friends after college.
Where a mentor helps
A mentor helps you choose a realistic setting, set small weekly social goals, and talk through how it went, so you keep going after an awkward week. If social anxiety is intense or keeps you from daily life, a licensed professional is the right step, and a mentor can work alongside them with your permission. In a crisis, call or text 988. See young adult mentoring and relationships and family.
Related
- Dealing with loneliness as a young adult
- Making friends after college
- How to build confidence
- Networking for introverts
Common questions
How can I be more social if I am shy?
Start with small, repeated settings and tiny interactions like a hello or a single question. Comfort builds through repetition, and you do not need to change your personality.
Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?
After school, you lose the built-in routine of seeing the same people every day. Joining recurring activities recreates that and makes friendships far easier to form.
How do I keep a conversation going?
Ask open questions, follow up on what the other person says, and share something about yourself in return so it feels like a two-way exchange.
What if social anxiety is stopping me?
If anxiety is intense or gets in the way of daily life, a licensed professional such as a therapist is the right step.
Get started
Want help building a more connected week, one small step at a time? Call (888) 305 5422, email contact@blackburnmentoring.com or start with a short assessment. A member of our team reviews every assessment personally and sets up a free intro call.