Blackburn Mentoring offers a teen or young adult going through their parents’ divorce one neutral adult who helps them keep school, work and daily routines on track. The mentor takes no side, evaluates no one and gives no legal advice. For a minor, we ask that both parents who share decision making agree before mentoring starts; for a young adult, the young adult decides, and nothing is shared with either parent or any attorney without their written consent.
What family law attorneys see in the kids
You see the case; your clients see the fallout at home. A teenager stops turning in work, a college student comes home for a semester and does not go back, a young adult who was launching stalls out. Research summarized by the American Psychological Association identifies the level of conflict between parents as one of the key predictors of how children adjust over the long term after a divorce (APA Monitor on Psychology, “Containing conflict in divorce battles,” 2005). Lowering conflict is the parents’ work. A mentor can help with something narrower and concrete: keeping the young person’s own life moving while the adults sort things out.
Why neutrality is the whole design
- No side: the mentor works for the young person. Neither parent “brings” the mentor, and the mentor does not carry messages between households.
- No evaluation: mentors do not assess parents, comment on custody or parenting time, or write opinions for any proceeding. Mentoring is not a substitute for counseling, mediation, evaluation or anything a court orders. When a child or young adult needs therapy, Blackburn Clinical Services, our sister practice, explains how attorneys can refer on its page for estate planning and family law attorneys.
- No legal advice: questions about orders, schedules or the case go back to the parents and their counsel.
- Portable between homes: sessions are by video anywhere in the United States, or in person in Los Angeles, so they continue whichever household the young person is in that week.
How consent works when parents are separating
For a minor, decisions about education and similar matters are part of legal custody, which a parenting plan or court order may assign to one or both parents (California Courts Self Help Guide, family court mediation and parenting plans). We therefore ask that the parents who share those decisions both agree to mentoring before it begins, and we encourage parents to check their orders or ask their attorney if they are unsure. Both parents can receive the same progress updates on engagement and goals. We do not share what the student says in confidence with either parent.
For young adults (18 and over), the young adult is the client. They decide whether either parent hears anything, and anything shared with an attorney is limited to engagement level and requires the young adult’s written consent. We do not provide detailed reports.
What a mentor works on during a divorce
- School across two homes: one planner, one system for assignments and deadlines, and a plan for the books and chargers that always end up at the other house.
- Routines that survive the schedule: sleep, homework blocks and practice times that hold whether it is a week on or a week off.
- College students at a crossroads: staying enrolled, handling a withdrawal or leave thoughtfully, and planning a return. See when a college student wants to come home.
- Young adults launching anyway: a job search, a move or a first apartment that should not be put on hold indefinitely because the family is in flux.
- Talking about it without choosing: a mentor can help a young person plan what they want to say to each parent about their own schedule and needs, without becoming part of the dispute.
In California, a child old enough to form a reasoned preference has that preference considered, and a child 14 or older who wishes to address the court is generally permitted to, unless the court finds it is not in the child’s best interest (California Family Code section 3042). Those questions belong to the parents, counsel and the court. A mentor does not coach a young person on what to say in any proceeding.
How to mention mentoring to a client
- Offer it as a resource for the child, not a strategy for the case: “Some families find it helps for the kids to have a neutral mentor for school and routines while things are changing.”
- Share our parent guide, helping your teen or young adult through a divorce, which is written for either parent.
- For a minor, suggest that your client raise it with the other parent (directly or through counsel). We will want both parents who share decisions on the free intro call or in agreement before starting.
- For a young adult, the young adult books the intro call themselves.
Related
- Mentoring for advisors and attorneys (hub)
- Helping your teen or young adult through a divorce
- Rebuilding your routine after a divorce
- How parent progress updates work
- For referring professionals
Common questions
Will the mentor take either parent’s side?
No. The mentor works with the young person on school, work and routines. Mentors do not evaluate parents, carry messages or offer views on custody or parenting time.
Can a mentor write a letter or report for the case?
No. Mentors do not write opinions or reports for any legal proceeding. With written consent we can confirm engagement level only, such as whether sessions are happening as planned.
Do both parents have to agree?
For a minor, we ask that the parents who share decisions about the child both agree before mentoring starts. For a young adult 18 or over, the young adult decides.
Is mentoring a replacement for counseling or therapy?
No. Mentoring is practical, skills based support. If a young person needs counseling or therapy, the family should arrange it, and mentoring can run alongside it.
Do you work with families outside Los Angeles?
Yes. Mentoring is by video anywhere in the United States, and in person in Los Angeles.
Get started
Want to talk through a family situation in general terms, without names? Call (888) 305 5422, email contact@blackburnmentoring.com or book a free 20 minute intro call. Mentoring is by video anywhere in the United States and in person in Los Angeles.
Free, by video, 20 minutes, with a member of our team. Weekdays 9 to 5 Pacific.