Homesickness is a normal part of the first months of college, and for most freshmen it fades as they build routines and a few real friendships. Parents help most by listening without rushing to fix it, keeping contact steady but not constant, and nudging the student toward small, regular ways to get involved on campus.
Why it hits when it does
Homesickness rarely shows up on move-in day. It tends to arrive a few weeks in, once the novelty wears off, the first real assignments land and the student notices that everyone else seems to have found their people already. It often flares again after the first trip home, such as a fall break or Thanksgiving.
It is usually less about missing the house and more about missing what home provided: people who know you, a predictable day, meals that just appear and someone who notices when you are off. Seeing it that way points to the fix. The student does not need to stop missing home; they need to rebuild some of those things where they are.
What to say on the phone
When a student calls upset, the instinct is to solve it or to offer a ride home. Try this order instead:
- Listen first. Let them finish. “That sounds really lonely” does more than a list of suggestions.
- Normalize it. Tell them it is common, that many of the people who look settled feel the same way, and that it usually eases with time.
- Ask what one day looks like. Where do they eat? Who do they talk to? Are they going to class? The answers tell you whether this is ordinary homesickness or something heavier.
- Agree on one small step. Eat lunch in the dining hall instead of the room. Go to one club meeting. Sit in the same seat in a lecture and say hello to the same person twice.
- End the call on time. A warm, finite call is better than an open line that keeps them living at home emotionally.
Contact: how much is too much
- Agree on a regular call, such as Sunday evening, so the student is not waiting for you and you are not chasing them.
- Texts during the week are fine; long daily calls tend to keep the student looking homeward instead of around campus.
- Hold off on frequent weekend visits home for the first several weeks if you can. Weekends are when a lot of friendships form.
- Send something tangible: a care package, a card, a photo of the dog. It says “we are thinking of you” without pulling them back.
A four-week settle-in plan
Students do better with a short, concrete plan than with “put yourself out there.” Something like:
- Week 1: Pick a set time to wake up and eat breakfast. Map out the week’s classes and one place on campus to study.
- Week 2: Try two activities: a club, an intramural team, a faith group, a volunteer shift or a job on campus. Repeated contact with the same people matters more than the activity.
- Week 3: Go to one office hour, even with a simple question. A familiar adult on campus helps more than students expect.
- Week 4: Look back. What made a day feel better? Do more of that, and drop what did not help.
If the student is also struggling with a roommate, see college roommate problems. If routines are the real issue, time management for college students has a simple weekly setup.
When it is more than homesickness
Homesickness that is easing, even slowly, is normal. Get more help if you notice the student is not leaving their room, skipping classes, sleeping most of the day or barely at all, not eating, or talking as if nothing will get better. Those can be signs of depression or anxiety, and a licensed professional is the right step. Campus counseling centers see homesick and overwhelmed students all the time, and the student can usually book an appointment on their own. In a crisis, call or text 988.
How a mentor helps in the first year
A parent several states away can only see part of the picture. A mentor meets the student by video every week, scheduled in the student’s own time zone, and helps turn “I should get involved” into specific steps for the week: which meeting, which office hour, which routine. Between sessions the student can text or call. With the student’s permission, the mentor shares progress updates with parents, so you know how things are going without having to interrogate. Mentors are not therapists, and they work alongside campus counseling when it is involved. Learn more about first-year college mentoring and mentoring for college students.
Related
- College transition mentoring
- Helping a struggling college student
- College roommate problems
- Preparing a teen for college
- How to Make Friends in College After the First Few Weeks
- How to Stay Connected With Your College Student
- Parenting a College Student: What Changes and What Stays
Common questions
How long does homesickness last in college?
For most students it is strongest in the first six to eight weeks and eases as routines and friendships form. It can return briefly after breaks, which is normal.
Should I let my homesick freshman come home for the weekend?
An occasional visit is fine, but frequent weekends home in the first semester can slow the process of settling in. A planned visit date often helps more than an open invitation.
My student wants to transfer closer to home. Should we?
Give it at least a full semester unless something serious is going on. Many students who want to leave in October feel differently by spring. See our guide on whether to transfer colleges.
Get started
Is your freshman having a hard first semester? Call (888) 305 5422, email contact@blackburnmentoring.com or start with a short assessment. A member of our team reviews every assessment personally and sets up a free intro call.